Sheeping
They called it sheeping. From the phrase: “as easy as finding shit in a sheep”. It meant selling to the colonies, and it was used because doing so was so easy. Colonies are always desperate for Homeworld product. Whether this was because their own produce wasn’t up to scratch or because of a certain misguided nostalgia I couldn’t say, all I know is that this was what I was meant to be doing, and that the crowd waited.
I step out from behind the steel curtain and into the centre of the stage, the crowd watched me with wide eyes, like frightened and slightly furious cows.
“You might think you know Jackson Meat. You might think you’ve tasted the best. Well I’m here to assure you that you have not.”
Behind me two giant gleaming carts are brought out, covered in the finest cuts of a Jackson Clone. I stroll over to the one on my left and pick up a nice juicy rump steak. By this point a large nova grill has been wheeled out to the centre of the stage. I place the juice steak down and hear it sizzle. The hot oil spits and crackles, moving harmlessly through my hologram body as I keep the steak moving to stop it burning.
“Did you know nine out of ten colonists have never had a good piece of quality Jackson Meat?”
The steak has begun to cook nicely, and the smell wafts over the watching crowd.
“Can I have a volunteer from the audience to come at try this delectable meat?”
A young man raises his hand. He’s twentyish, skinny, sideburns frame his chin. He tentatively approaches the stage and is brought next to me by my two human assistants.
I pick up the perfectly cooked steak and put it onto a plate, its oils and juices spreading out and creating a powerful delicious aroma. A knife and a fork are provided and the youth is encouraged to eat.
Things always go the same way. The meat is delicious, the volunteer is impressed, and more meat is provided. The entire town or village becomes hooked. I flash them a smile and finish with:
“If you want a meal, go somewhere else. If you want quality, try Butterbie’s.”
As easy as finding shit in a sheep.
